There are several questions that's hanging beyond my mind. First, what is my priority in life? What are the things that will satisfy me? As of now, believe me, I still can't answer these fucking questions. Maybe because I really don't know what I want. I don't know what will make me happy. Gee! I know I am not getting any younger anymore and I have to set goal as early as possible. Actually, I have a lot of dreams, there's so many things that I wanted to do. But the thing is, I really don't where to start. I am such a loser I guess.
Sigh.....
Second thing that bothers me is facing the fact that somehow I need someone who I can spend my life with. This thing really sucks! Awww! All I really wanted is to have a serious relationship this time. Something that is stable and the one that I know will lead to a lifetime commitment. Unfortunately, after several years of striving with my previous one, I found having a relationship a very stressful thingy. However, right now, as in right in this moment, my mind and heart is arguing about this matter. Am I ready to be commited again? Am I ready to face such circumstances again of having a relationship? Am I gonna give my trust again? I am really very much afraid of entering a relationship because I am scared of being in that situation again wherein you're into so much pain. Hmmm, but what shall I do? I think I'm starting to fall again?
Sigh...
Yikes! I think I liked him but I can't really express it so well. I'm into denial at this moment. I've been hiding my feelings, I 've been hiding my thoughts. Crap! And what if he's the one? What if he gets tired? What if he thinks that he doesn't matter at all? What ifs? What ifs? And a lot of what ifs? I'm starting to worry too much again on things. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.... I'm starting to hate myself.
Now what? Huh,,,everything's empty at the moment. Maybe I need to take a break.
Sigh....
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