Monster Madness

While I was busy doing a lot of stuffs last night, ( cleaning clutters in my room, finishing the scrap book, etc.) My dear MONSTER buzz me in at ym so we had a little chit chat. Its been a while since the last time we've talked. Hmm, I think the last time is when he was sick, unfortunately... he's still not well...SIGH...

Well, I admit that I've missed him that much that's why I took my time off doing my chores. hehehe... The conversation went good and ofcourse, there are some arguments as well. It's part of it anyway. Then, the topic went over the monster doll that I had on my friendster account. He thought that it was mine and he says it was nice. Hmm, well I told him that its not really mine and I just grab the photo from the net. I know, I kinda disappoint him again with that though he doesn't admit it. Actually, I'm really planning to buy one but as of now, I can't find the perfect monster for myself. When I told him the story behind that,he asked me why not make my own. Duh!

We ended the conversation on the net after a couple of minutes. I told him that I miss having that kind of conversation. He asked me to call him once he was done.I would really love to call him, though I refuse and delivered a lot of excuses. I find a little awkward to call him while he was still in the streets but he told it ain't a big deal. I really want to call, but I just don't wanna intrude him in anything that he's into. I really don't know why I keep obeying everything that he says. He instructs me to call him 5mins after he logged out.

It's around 11:35pm I guess,.. when we finally talked over the phone. Hmm, no doubt, he is still sick. It was very obvious in his voice but a lot better than the last time. Gee! I really miss that MONSTER... I don't why there's a part of me that make me stick with him. And yet the other half really wants him out of my crooked mind. I had a great time talking to him last night though he's been coughing most of time. SIGH... He told me that he was reading one of Haruki's novel,.. the Norwegian Wood. I haven't read any of Haruki's books, but I've heard of The Wind Up Bird Chronicle. That MONSTER really amuses me everytime. And that what makes me hate myself more. His battery got low that's why the talk have ended without saying any goodbyes and goodnights. Well, anyway, that's how things should be. After all I should never make any wrong moves this time. I would rather keep things as it as and not to make stuffs complicated.

The good thing is, he gave me very good idea about the monster doll. I guess it would be a lot better if I will make my own. Sounds like I have a new project to make or another hell to deal with this coming year. Hehehe... Now I need to bring on the needles and threads as well as all the scraps...

Merikurisumasu

It's christmas...and it's so cold today...Maybe it's His way of pouring all His blessings. There are certain rain showers the whole day. The weather seems to be so good for me to write a lot of stuffs that happened today and it the past few days but I feel so lazy doing it. hmmm.... I think I'll do it some other time. I'll just have to enjoy the rest of my vacation. YAHOO!!!

A Wacky Xmas Pic with Issa

Coffee Mugs Galore-The Gifts

Hugo Boss Perfume and A.Carusso Hanky

with Dora and a kikay kit from my boss

Ang Makukulets na Cousins

Wake Me Up When DECEMBER Ends

PRESENT:

>Whew! Its been a while... who would have thought that 2008 will be ending so soon. SIGH... I've been busy this month. And its just tonight that I've realized that I really had forgotten to do a lot of things. Well, there's only 3 days left and its CHRISTMAS. Still not done in buying gifts. I have no idea what to give to my mom, she seems to have everything. Gee!

Aside from the holiday rush, I've been getting to annoyed about this year end thingy at the work place because obviously, there's a lot of work to be done and need to be finished before december ends. ( so help me GOD! ) The pressure is on! And I'm getting to annoyed with it. I hope to finish it or else... or else...I will be working when everybody is already enjoying the warmth of their home during vacation. CURSE! So, I need to stay up late tonight.

Now what?!?!? I've been absent already in SIMBANG GABI... so I will never had the chance to make my wish come true as they say. SIGH...

PAST:

>Been partying a lot this month... Attended two company christmas party and a birthday. Been drinking a lot also. OOOOPPSSS! Bad Cheetah! Luckly, my tummy knows how to handle each situations. hehehe... Thank God for the LACTOBACILLUS! It helps me maintain everything under control, my control... But then I know that things will not gonna stay as good as it is. So, I have my back up just in case. LOL!

>Initial plan is to visit Metropolitan, but because of some sort of unintentional activities. Still haven't gone there. Also, haven't seen Thinman. I've cancelled my appointment with him last December 8. And up to now, I haven't resched it yet.

>The weather had been quite bad in the early weeks of December. But I love it. It sets my TWILIGHT mood. Just imagining I am in the rainy town of Forks... I love Edward... SIGH

>My monster had been ill. SIGH... He is sick. SIGH... Do I need to say more? SIGH...

FUTURE:

>More parties to come... a trip to Tagaytay maybe...

>Exhausted and Broke...SIGH... MESSED UP again...

Semi Sumpong

Medyo sinumpong na naman ako ng katopakan ngayong gabi. hehehe...Wala na naman sa katinuan. Mahirap talaga kapag nababasa ng ulan e. Sa totoo lang marami pa akong gagawin na trabaho ngayon kaya lang medyo nasusuka na ako sa mga as built plans namin sa office. Plano ko sanang magsoundtrip muna ngayong gabi at matulog agad para relax,mag gain ng energy dahil halos LINGGO LANG ANG PAHINGA. E ang kaso, may sumpong ako ngayon kaya eto. Blog blog muna...

Nag-cancel na ako ng account sa TAGGED. Matagal ko na talagang gustong i-cancel ang account ko don kaya lang medyo nanghihinayang lang ako sa layout ko. Hehehe. Pero ngayon na-cancel ko na ng tuluyan. Naisip ko kasing napaka NONSENSE na nang account na yon. Isa pa, napaka NONSENSE din ng mga tao don. Wala na rin akong masyadong panahon sa mga ganung bagay.

Hay... Ano kaya gagawin ko? Matutulog na o mag dedesign pa? Kaya lang bukas sunday na, dapat may matapos man lang ako. SHIT! PAKING SHET!!! Hirap a? Naninibago ata ako a pagbabanat ng buto ngayon. Talagang seryoso 'tong napasok ko this time. Pero no choice, darating at darating na kailangan ko talagang ma-experience ang ganitong bagay dahil ito ang REALITY ng buhay ko.

Hay... Sana mapanuod ko ang twilight. Pero sino naman ang kasama ko? Imposible na si Pako dahil drawing yun at pa yun sa pang chichix nya ngayon. Si Empot, mas lalong imposible dahil mahirap pa yun sa daga. Napakamalas ko naman pag dating sa ganitong pagkakataon.

gradual

I’ve been facing a lot of changes in my life right now. And because of that, I’m still at the period wherein I need to do a lot of adjustments. Everything seems to turn out right. I guess… I hope… In the past few days, I suddenly felt like giving up (again) * LOSER/EMO MODE… But then I finally regain my hope back in my shoe again and decided to take another step forward. Well, this is the life that I chose. I have to deal with it and I have to PROVE something. My current job really making me exhausted but I’m kinda starting to appreciate every part of it. I’m learning a lot of things on the people I’ve meet every day and even on the task that is being assigned on me. I hope to finish those just in time. Anyway the only thing that bothers me now is my health. I can sense that it would be the only thing that will HINDER me to do things.

Kapag Ako'y Tinopak

Ang isip ko ngayon ay kasing gulo ng gamit sa mesa ko. Dahil dito, umabsent muna ako sa trabaho. Syempre naka plano na ang lahat, bago pa lang ako umuwi mula sa office kagabi. Ang dami kong gagawin na mga plano sa totoo lang. Deadline ko bukas kaya mas pinili kong paglamayan ito kagabi at buong maghapon ngayon. E bakit ba hindi ko pa sa office tinatapos ang trabaho ko? Hay... ewan... Minsan kasi kailangan ko rin ng ibang surroundings. Hindi pa rin nawawala ang ugali ko na masyadong mainipin sa trabaho. Gusto ko palaging may ibang ginagawa, may ibang nakikita, may bago sa paningin. Kapag natutunan ko na ang logic ng mga bagay, nagsasawa na ako. Lalo na kung nagiging routine na ang lahat. Yari ka! Inshort, sumpong na naman ang katopakan ko sa buhay. Isang bahagi na naman ng pagkatao ko ang naiinip at naghahanap ng ibang timpla ng buhay. Shit! Wag sanang lumala ang topak ko. Hay!

Hindi ako, at hindi sya...

Anung meron at bakit bigla na lang nagbago ang lahat? Hindi ko rin talaga alam kung ano ang nangyari e. Basta, nangyari na lang. Para bang bigla na lang akong nawalan ng gana sa taong yon. Although, pinipilit ko pa ring magpakita ng concern sa kanya kahit paano. Alam ko kasing kailangan nya yon. Kailangang nyang malaman na mahalaga sya at importante sya lalo na sa akin. Kaya lang, sa di ko maipaliwanag na pangyayari, nakaramdam ako ng pagkapagod sa ginagawa ko. Para kasi akong nakikipag usap sa hangin. Nakikipaghabulan sa kidlat. At nagmamahal ng isang bato.

Gustong gusto kong iparamdam sa kanya kung gaano sya ka-special sa buhay ko kahit walang kapalit. Kaya lang, namamanhid na rin ata ako. Totoo palang nagbabago rin ang lahat. Katulad nga ng nasabi ko, hindi ko kailangan ng kapalit. Sana man lang kahit konting appreciation. Alam kong mahirap syang intindihin. Kaya nga ginagawa ko ang lahat para maintindihan sya. Pero hindi ko pala kaya. Sumusuko na ako kasi talagang pagod na ako. Sa isang iglap lang nawala ang lahat. Ganon lang kabilis. Ganon lang pala. Ni hindi ko man lang nalaman kung ano ako sa buhay nya. Gusto kong tulungan ang special monster ko, kaya lang mukhang hindi ako ang kailangan nya, at mukhang hindi ako makakatulong sa kanya.

Mukhang yun na lang yun...Kasing lamig na ng simoy ng hangin ang pakikitungo namin ngayon sa isa't isa.

Kailan Matututo ang Batang Bobo?

Hay nako! Sinasabi ko na nga ba?
Huwag nang padadala sa mga bagay na walang katiyakan.
Ayan! Nakita mo na?
Ilang beses na bang nangyarai sayo sa yan?
Hanggang ngayon ba naman ay hindi mo pa rin ba natututunan?
Bakit ba napakabobo mo?
Dapat ata iniuumpog na sa pader ang ulo mo?
Ang mga taong katulad nya ay hindi pinagkakatiwalaan.
Hindi pinaniniwalaan.
Wala syang kwenta!
Wala syang silbi!
Wala syang isang salita!
Ginamit ka lang nya.
Hindi mo ba nakikita?
Lalapit lang sya kapag may kailangan sya.
Mabait lang sya kapag may pabor syang hihingin.
Kapag nakuha na nya ang gusto nya?
Saan ka na ba pupulutin?
Daig mo pa ang laruan.
Para ka lang basurang itinapon sa daan.
Ang ganyang klase ng tao ay hindi pinag aaksayahan ng panahon.
Hindi minamahal...
Sarili lang nila ang iniisip nila.
At huwag mo nang masubukan pang bigyan sya ng pagkakataon.
Dahil lahat ng pagkakataong nasa kanya ay sinayang na nya.
Kalimutan mo na sya.
Ilibing mo na sya ng buhay sa iyong alaala.
Mas mabuting huwag mo nang bigyan ng pagkakataon ang isip mo na isipin sya.
Nasaktan ka na naman.
Ilang ulit pa ba?
Huwag kang magmadaling ibigay ang puso mo sa taong di karapat dapat.
Dahil meron naman talagang nararapat para sayo.
At sa palagay ko hinihintay ka rin nya.
Huwag mong sayangin ang oras mo sa kanya.
Isipin mo na lang na isa itong leksyong dapat mo nang matutunan.
Dapat matuto ka na.

Week One

a VERY busy week for me.

I just started reporting on the new company I am into. Atlast, and I think I’ve found the “right” job for me. I was hired as the new operations assistant in one of the most I can say biggest and prominent industrial park in the country. Kinda good, but the pressure is too much to handle for me. I can’t imagine running the whole operation of the entire industrial park, even if I am only assisting the head engineer it will really take a lot of effort doing so. The industrial park is under the Lopez Group of Companies which really surprises me because I really don’t have an idea about it. After I finish the orientation last Monday, I was introduced to the entire staff of the admin department.Gee! I was nervous at that time. There are a lot of eminent persons surrounding me. These engineers are the “real” engineers who knows every inch of the detail of a plan.

For this week, my assignment is to handle all the admissions of the contractors and sub contractors that will be entering the park. I have to learn how to issue those passes like ID’s, stickers,etc. so that they will have the permission to enter and proceed to their respective projects inside. There are certain requirements in each passes. I have to make sure that they are complying with those or less… they cannot enter. Done! It was quite easy, the problem is that when I encounter those “pasaway” people. They are annoying and truly pain in the ass.

Yesterday, I was again assigned at the lobby due to the absence of the receptionist. So, for the third time I was the one who will accept all the calls and applications of our locators. Unfortunately, around 10am in the morning the water supply in some areas of the park shut down for some unknown reason. The heck! I think there 3 locators who were affected. It probably took about 15minutes when supply was regained. Crap! I don’t like accepting calls especially if it is all about complaining. There are some people who can even understand things even if you are trying to explain every inch of the details.

Tomorrow, I’ll be starting to do my real duty. OMG! I’m doing the shop drawings. And what really sucks it that I already forget some of the commands in CAD! SO HELP ME GOD. The pressure in this new environment is really killing me. It’s affecting my cells. HARRRRRR!!! But then I have to look at it in a positive way. I had a wonderful job ( except for the salary… toinks!) Well, its part of reality. There is nothing I can do but to face this new challenges I had.

Twilight Adik

Labis na akong nananabik...
Showing ng Twilight Movie
ay malapit ng sumapit...
Bwahahahaha.....

ang love award mula kay supergulaman

Rules:

Link the person who started this award.

Link to the person who "LOVE" you.

Post the rules on your blog.

Tag 7 people at the end of your post and link to them.

Let each person know they have been "LOVED" and leave a comment on their blog.

I'm showing my love to the following:

joiz

vea

aeon

marvs

redd

winnie

nica

Ang Medical Examination Atbp.

Naging busy ako this week despite ng inaakala kong “katamaran galore” na nangyari sa akin nung Monday. Hmm, teka…imagine, I’ve been in Batangas pala this past three days. Ngayon ko lang naisip. Tapos wala pa rin akong tulog lalo nakagabi. Sarap iuntog ng ulo ko sa pader dahil hindi talaga ako dalawin ng antok. Lahat na ata tinitext ko e logtu na. Hay… Mapapagkamalan na naman akong adik. Gusto ko sanang itext si special monster kaya lang, meron ata sya that night at sobrang suplado. Hmp! Kainis talaga yun. Hmm, by the way ang cute pala ng tawag ko sa kanya… special monster… hehehe. Bigla lang yung pumasok sa isip ko a? Crap!

Last Tuesday, me and my mom went to Lipa. May inasikaso si ina at syempre wala naman syang ibang isasama kundi ako. After non, daan muna kami sa SM, relax… Antok ako talaga ako that day at wala akong ginawa kundi ang humikab ng humikab. Napansin nga yun ng nanay ko e.Puyat daw kasi ako, sino daw ba ang kausap ko nung gabi. Hehehehe. Narinig pala nyang may kausap ako. Well, kausap ko si special monster. Pero I really messed up that night. Badtrip, I’ve been waiting my whole life for that one night pero wala naman akong ka sa MOOD sa MOOD noon dahil natutulog na ako nung tumawag sya. So, inshort bangag lang ako. Adik ko talaga! Anyway, bakit ba nag woworry na naman ako??!! Parang tawag lang e… hmmm…


Last Wednesday naman, schedule ko ng medical exam sa FPIP. First time ko magpamedical. As in yung general check up talaga. Hindi naman kasi naging requirements yun ng mga previous companies na napasukan ko. Kabado palang ako, gabi pa lang. Shit! Baka madetect nilang may sakit ako sa utak. Hehehe. Konti lang naman ang mga naging kasabay ko. At inasikaso naman ako ng maayos. Mabuti naman, dahil first time ko. Hehehe.


Inaasahan ko nang sasablay ako sa EYE EXAMINATION dahil 9 years old palang ako nakasuot na ko ng salamin. Pero atleast, they gave me consideration. Hindi naman kasi ako operator wherein kelangang 20/20 ang vision. Sa dental, ok na rin. Nakabraces pa ang upper lateral ko pero ok naman ang mga molars ko at complete na rin kasi ang mga wisdom teeth ko. Pass! Sa physical naman, nakapa ata nung doktora yung thyroid ko, pero sinabi ko naman na meron akong history ng goiter. Pero nothing to worry dahil non-toxic yun. Pinakuha na lang nya ako ng medical clearance sa aking attending endocrinologist ( tama ba?). Syempre ang funniest part dito sa physical exam ay ang paghuhubad. Hehehe. Even before, naglolokohan na kami ng mga kaibigan ko about ditto. Specially yung mga nag apply na for abroad. Part talaga ng exam ang maghubad at tumuwad. I did it! Hehehehe. Pagkalabas ko nang room, natatawa ako at itinext ko pa sa kaibigan ko na…”hindi na ko virgin, tumuwad na ko”… Ang text back nya…”wow! Congrats! Nadevirginized ka na.” hehehe.

After that kinuhanan ako ng isang litrong dugo. JOKE! At pagkatapos x-ray. Ang problema ko na lang…yung stool sample ko. SHETNESS! Eto ang mahirap sa akin e, hindi ako basta basta makakajebs sa kung saang comfort room at sa kung anung oras. Dahil marami pa akong ritwal at seremonyas. So, kinausap ko yung doctor sa lab at pinayagan naman nya akong bukas na ibigay yung sample basta wala pang 2 hours yon. Ayos! Yung stool sample at medical clearance na lang. Umuwi ako sa kabila ng matinding sikat ng araw. Shit! Tanghaling tapat pero hindi muna ako nag lunch dahil kelangan ko pang dumaan sa attending physician ko para kumuha ng medical clearance. 2006 pa pala ako huling nagpacheck up! Hehehe. Pasaway talaga at one year ko rin itinigil ang pag inom ng thyrax at calsan. Last year kasi nagkameron ako ng reflux. At dahil kelangan ko ring uminom ng gamot para don, itinigil ko ang mga droga ko para sa aking thyroid. This year na lang ako uli nagstart ng medication ko. Medyo nasermonan ako ni doktora pero binigyan naman nya ko ng clearance. Lumiit naman ang size ng goiter ko e kaya abswelto na rin! Mabait naman si Dra. Sya rin ang doctor ng lola ko at kilala na nya pamilya naming kaya no prob. Para ngang hindi doctor-patient ang magkausap e.

DUANEY- ang teddy na bigay ni duane

Thursday… Kanina back to Asia Pacific Diagnostic Clinic uli ako para ibigay ang aking pinaka iingat ingatang stool sample at medical clearance. Sila na lang ang mag papass sa HR at yung HR na lang uli ang tatawag sa akin kapag ok na ang lahat. Sabi nila so far wala namang problema, hihintayin na lang yun magiging result ng stool at yung reading ng x-ray. Wala pang 15mins ang itinagal ko dun kaya sinabihan ko si Duane na magkita kami. Hehehe. Ngayon ko palang kukunin yung regalo nya sa akin. Late na sobra! Naging busy kasi kami pareho lalo na nung nagstay ako sa Manila. March pa pala kami huling nagkita nun. Nagpunta ako Calamba para kunin yung gift. Isang teddy bear na brown. Cute, mabango nga e. Sumusuot hanggang utak ko yung halimuyak grabe! Hindi ko alam kung anung inilagay nya don. Hindi rin naman kami nagtagal ng usap. Inihatid nya lang ako sa sakayan. Habang naglalakad kami papunta don, yun na lang ang naging time naming sa konting kwentuhan. Busy rin sya. May aaplyan daw kasi sya e. Tumigil na sya uli ng pagpasok, magtratrabaho daw muna. Kahit hindi na kami ganun kadalas nagkakausap ni Duane. Hindi pa rin sya nagbabago. After ng konting usapan sumakay na ko at umuwi na rin sya.


Pag uwi ko… umulan… Ang saya naman. Mabuti na lang at hindi ako inabot dahil naglakad lang ako. Nag online ako at nakausap ko si Mico. Si Micong sobrang kulet! Palagi nya akong sinasabihan ng mataray daw ako sobra. As in SOBRA! Magaling daw akong mambara at para bang lahat ng sagot ko e alanganin. Kung hindi ewan… bahala na. Nakakatawa sya. Hindi ko naman sya kilala talaga. Hay nako! Palagi syang tumatawag sa akin at pag online ako palagi ring nag YYM. Wala naman akong sa MOOD makipag bolahan sa kanya. Walang ibang lalake sa isip ko ngayon kundi si special monster. At dahil don, naiinis na ako sa sarili ko. Baka mamaya e matulad na to sa naramdaman ko kay Em. Hindi pede. Wag muna.Hindi dapat! Wag po! Hehehe.

Ang Konsensya

Hmm, anung kalokohan na naman ba ito?
Pilit kong pinagtatakpan kung ano ang totoo.
Pero ano nga ba ang totoo?


KONSENSYA 1: Ang totoo, gusto mo sya, natatakot ka lang.


KONSENSYA 2: Ang totoo talaga, hindi mo sya gusto. Ginagamit mo lang sya. Nililibang mo lang ang sarili mo. Ganun din naman sya sayo,kaya maglaro na lang kayo pareho.


KONSENSYA 1: Hindi! Nagkakamali ka! Mahalaga ka rin sa kanya. Hindi mo ba nakikita ang mga ginagawa nya para sayo? Hindi naman nya yun ginawa sa iba.


KONSENSYA 2: Tanga ka ba!?!?! Natural, style nya lang yun para mahulog ang loob mo sa kanya. Kaya wag mabuti pa, makipaglaro ka na lang, unahan mo sya.


KONSENSYA 1: Wag! bakit hindi mo sya bigyan ng pagkakataong ipakita ang tunay nyang motibo. Mabuti syang tao, katulad din ng pagkakakilala mo sa kanya. Wag kang matakot magtiwala.


KONSENSYA 2: KALOKOHAN! Paiiyakin ka lang din nya katulad ng ginawa nya sa ibang babae. Pinapaasa ka lang nya.Ikaw lang ang flavor of the month sa ngayon. Wag kang magpakatanga,.. gamitin mo din sya.


Itigil na ang kalokohang ito. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang totoo. Bahala kayo! HMP! Adik!

Antok Moments

Kahit anong gawin ko, hindi ko pa rin mapigilan ang aking kaantukan sa araw na ito. Ewan ko ba kung bakit? Hindi naman maulan kung saan magiging malamig ang klima at talagang matutukso kang matulog. Tinanghali na n ga akong magising kanina, kahit na narinig ko na ang alarm clock ng kapatid ko. Hindi ko lang maimulat ang mga mata ko, at para bang hinang hina pa ako. Nakatulog ako uli at paggising ko, tirik na ang araw. Tinatamaan na ako ng mga sinag nito kahit nakasara naman ang kurtina sa aking kwarto. Halos hindi ko talaga maibangon ang aking katawan sa labis kong katamaran. Pero pinilit ko na lang.


Pagkatapos kong kumain ng almusal, wala pa rin talaga akong lakas para kumilos. Marami akong dapat ayusin ngayon. Una, ang mga damit ko, mukha na namang pinaglabanan ng kung ano ang aking cabinet. Kelangan ko na rin magbawas ng damit na hindi ko naman masyadong sinusuot, ipa-repair ang mga dapat i-repair at ipamigay ang mga iba sa kawang gawa. Inayos ko na rin ang mga dapat kong dalhin (kung sakali).


Pero, talagang wala akong sa mood. Parang may magnet ang kama ko at talagang hinihila ako pabalik sa kanyang piling. Nakatulog ako uli. Isang maikling idlip. Bumaba ako uli upang magtanghalian. Parang pinababa ko lang ang kinain ko at nagawa kong matulog uli. Lagpak na naman sa kama. Pinilit ko na ngang manuod ng TV pero wa epek ito. Talagang nais kong mahimlay at mahimbing. Mga 2 oras pala akong nakatulog ngayong hapon. Hindi pa nga ako magigising kung hindi ako nakaramdam ng init. Brownout pala! Kamusta naman. Mabigat pa rin ang katawan ko ng ako’y bumangon. Walang nangyari sa aking maghapon. Lunes na lunes pa naman. Naligo ako para naman magising ang dugo ko (at sana pati ang aking kaluluwa).

October na!

Unang araw ng October sumpong ako ng katamaran. Tanghali na akong nagising dahil hindi ko naman naramdaman ang sikat ng araw. Maulan ang miyerkules na ito. May bagyo kasi, pero hindi naman talaga dito sa lugar namin. At dahil ngasa ganitong panahon, nakakatamad bumangon at kumilos. Masarap lang mahiga sa kama maghapon, ang kaso hindi naman pwede dahil may appointment ako sa aking dentist. Ayoko naman i-cancel pa ito uli dahil dapat nung Saturday pa ako nagpunta. Hinintay ko na lang na medyo tumila si ulan at saka ako umalis.

Sa clinic… anak ng tinapay, pakiramdam ko na naman ay wala akong ngipin sa unahan. Sobrang higpit na as in to the max na ata ang higpit ng braces ko sa upper lateral ko. Nakadagdag pa ang chainsaw… Hayzzz… Good thing, hindi ko na kailangang mag elastics. YAHOO!!! As in yahoong yahoo. Tinanggal na din ang brackets ko sa lower lateral. Sabi ni Dra. Annie siguro December pedeng tanggalin. Sa wakas, makakakain na din ako ng maluwalhati.

Hayzzz. October na.Grabe ang bilis ng araw. Pero sana matuloy ang mga plano ko for this year, bago matapos ang taon na ‘to. Sana, sana,.. so help me God! Toinks!

Kanina ko lang narealize na wala nap ala akong kapera pera. Shit! Mahirap pa ako sa daga. ( Ngunit ako’y isang daga?!?!) nyahaha! Ang laman na lang ng wallet ko ay tumatagingting na 60pesos. San naman kaya ako makakarating sa 60 pesos? Ibinili ko pa kasi ng sim ang engot kong utol dahil walang ginawa ang sim card nya kundi kainin ang mga pinaload ko. Crap! Wala na nga rin pala akong load. Shit! Ano bang nangyayari? Wala na akong pera talaga. Mabuti na lang at may mga taong may mabuting kalooban na pinapaalhan ako ng load. NAKS! Ang galing diba? Hindi nila kasi kayang hindi ako makausap e,.. hehehehe…

Pero sa totoo lang kailangan kong kumita kahit konti. Kailangan ko ng part time job. Inisip ko kasi, kung mag aaply pa ako masasayang din dahil aalis naman ako. At matagal ko na talagang pinaplanong umalis. Pakiramdam ko kasi hindi talaga ako para dito e. Unang una, wala namang nangyayari.Hay… baka naman nasa ibang bansa ang swerte ko,..hehehe. Pero mga dalawang buwan pa ako tatambay. Yung 60 pesos ko, kailangang madagdagan. Kahit pang kape sa Starbucks hindi pede yung pera ko. Crap!

Trabaho, pera… Eto lang ang iniisip ko nagyon. Hmmm, ok, syempre iniisip ko rin ang akong bagong inspirasyon. Hehehe. Teka, speaking of him, hmmm,….dapat siguro hindi talaga ako nagpanic. Hinayaan ko na lang muna kung anung meron dahil hindi pa naman talaga ako sure. Pero infairness, naka one month na at mukhang continuous naman ang mga ginagawa nya. I find it sweet! Wala lang. Hehehe. Sana nga maging ok kami. Nyaks! Nag ilusyon! Sabi nung friend ko, wag ko daw replyan for two weeks, para daw matesting if mamimiss ako. Grabe! Sira ulong yun! E ako naman ata ang papahirapan nya! Pero, naisip ko, magawa kaya. Wala namang masama e. Testing lang kung talaga bang may halaga ako sa kulangot na yun! Hahaha… At sana matiis ko naman sya. Toinks!

Hay! October na! Tapos maya maya pasko na. Kelangan ko na talagang rumaket e. Makapagbenta kaya ng laman?! May bibili kaya? Hehehe… Sana makasimot ako ng pera, tulad nung 500 na nasimot ko. Makasali kaya sa mga game show? Tumaya kaya ako sa Lotto? Mag benta ng shabu? Ano kaya???!?!?!?

September is Finally Over

This month is totally a BLAST... Whew! I never imagine that september is soon to be over.Finally! This month is really a roller coaster ride for me. I've had a couple of sleepless nights and weird dreams that totally made me insane. And evertime I looked at the mirror, I saw a very hideous girl hiding beyond a mask of loneliness and insanity. Crap! I'm sick! Inside and out. Physically, emotionally and even mentally I guess!

The first week of this month sucks! I have to lie to everybody that I'm still doing great but the truth is, I'm really not. Its hard for me to hide all the unnecessary stuff that I'm in by that time just for the sake of others. But then, after trying hard I finally broke down and realize that things will be easier if I already tell the truth. But the truth still haven't set me free yet...

The second week disturbed my conscious mind and soul after making an encounter with a monster. Yeah... a monster. I thought I was in a cloud nine but I finally realizes that I was about entering the gate of hell. I was caught by the monster's trap, but fortunately, I escaped. Maybe he forgot that I am still the evil girl he used to know. Evil and bad.

In the last few days of this month, finally I've come up with a decision. First, to stay focus on my plans. I should not rely on my emotions, myths or anything stupid. Second, maybe I should avoid trusting people too much. Third, I should need to avoid using my damn cellphone, it only triggers me to commit sinful acts. Fourth, there is no time for any romantic activities this time. Fifth, I just have to think in a positive way.

Gee! Its like I writing a new years resolution here. But just like what I've read, you should write all your thoughts as well as your plans and things you want to achieve because it really helps a lot. Well, I guess so.

September is finally over...Sigh...

Song of the Moment

So What by PINK

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na

Na Na Na Na Na

I guess i just lost my husband

I don't know where he went

So i'm gonna drink my money

I'm not gonna pay his rent (Nope)

I got a brand new attitude

And i'm gonna wear it tonight

I wanna get in trouble

I wanna start a fight

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na

I wanna start a fight

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na

I wanna start a fight

So so what?

I'm still a rock star

I got my rock moves

And i don't need you

And guess what

I'm having more fun

And now that we're done

I'm gonna show you tonight

I'm alright, I'm just fine

And you're a tool

So so what?

I am a rockstar

I got my rock moves

And i don't want you tonight

Uh, check my flow, uh

The waiter just took my table

And gave to Jessica Simp- Shit!

I guess i'll go sit with drum boy

At least he'll know how to hit

What if this song's on the radio

Then somebody's gonna die

I'm gonna get in trouble

My ex will start a fight

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na

He's gonna start a fight

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na

We're all gonna get in a fight!

So so what?

I'm still a rock star

I got my rock moves

And i don't need you

And guess what

I'm having more fun

And now that we're done

I'm gonna show you tonight

I'm alright, I'm just fine

And you're a tool

So so what?

I am a rock star

I got my rock moves

And i don't want you tonight

You weren't there

You never were

You weren't all

But thats not fair

I gave you life

I gave my all

You weren't there

You let me fall

So so what?

I'm still a rock star

I got my rock moves

And i don't need you

And guess what

I'm having more fun

And now that we're done (we're done)

I'm gonna show you tonight

I'm alright(I'm alright),

I'm just fine (I'm just fine)

And you're a tool

So so what?

I am a rock star

I got my rock moves

And i don't want you tonight

No No, No No

I Don't want you tonight

You weren't there

I'm gonna show you tonight

I'm alright,

I'm just fine

And you're a tool

So so what?

I am a rock star

I got my rock moves

And i don't want you tonight

Ba da da da da da

Gotta be Out!

The series of bad dreams I had this week just blew me up. I know that there is something that is going to happen. I knew it! Crap! Sometimes I just have to rely on my own instincts. These dreams really bothers me evrytime I wake up. I am the type of person who donot have good memories about things especially dreams but once I remember something,.. it will definitely penetrate my inner being up to an unknown depth. And when it happens, it will annoy me for the rest of my life. I will get screw up. That thing will maintain its place inside my mind as it manage to affect every thing at the moment.

Crap! I gotta get out of this creepiness that I've been into lately.

Grabe!
Litong na talaga ako!
hays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hindi ko alam kung anung uunahin.
Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta.
Hindi ko alam kung anung gagawin.
Tae naman e!
Bakit ba kung kelan inaakala kong ok na.
Saka naman hindi ok.

Ang Nawawalang Tadyang

Kagabi, habang ako'y inip na inip dahil sa haba ng gabi. Nagawa kong naitext ang isang kaibigan. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko naman sya talaga gusto katext kaya lang e,...talagang dumarating ang pagkakataong "no choice" ka at para lang lumipas ang oras ay kailangan mong makipagbolahan, plastikan o kung ano pa man sa isang tao. Ok,... masama na ko! Isa na akong dakilang manggagamit.


Habang katext ko sya, napunta ang usapan sa pakikipagrelasyon ng hindi sinasadya. Sa dami ba naman ng taong mapapagsabihan ko ng sitwasyon ko e sa kanya pa. Pakiramdam ko tuloy e desperada na akong may mahingian ng opinyon. Hindi ko naman nagawang ikwento sa kanya ang lahat, medyo nagbigay lang ako ng clue. hehehe, Salbahe talaga e!

Pero natuwa naman ako sa opinyon nya. Eto ang sinabi nya...

"Nasasaad sa bibliya na tungkulin ng mga babae na gumawa ng unang hakbang. Bahagi ng kanyang tungkulin ang hanapin ang nagmamay ari ng tadyang kung saan siya nagmula. Kaya ang masasabi ko lang, dapat gumawa ka rin ng paraan."


Napaisip ako, at nasabi ko sa sarili ko na may opinyon rin pala ang mokong na 'yon. Pero, bakit ko naman hahanapin ang tadyang kung saan ako nagmula? E bakit hindi yung may may ari ng tadyang ang maghanap sa tadyang nya? Sa madaling salita, hindi ako ang unang gagawa o kikilos para sa sitwasyon na 'to. Aba! malay ko kung kaya pala ako inalis sa katawan na yon dahil ibang tadyang ang mas aangkop?

Lecheng tadyang! Bakit naman kasi dito pa ko ikinumpara ng engot na yun! Hay... Matapos ng matagal kung pag mumuni muni. Mas minabuting kong I-ENJOY na lamang ang sitwasyong kinalalagyan ko sa ngayon. At bakit ba ako kelangang mag alala? Bakit ko ba kelangang isipin yon? Kung wala e di wala! Wala e. Isa sa mga bagay na natutunan ko e ang huwag nang ipagpilitan ang mga bagay bagay na hindi talaga nararapat. Kaya nga may kasabihan, kung hindi uukol, hindi bubukol. Minsan kahit wala ka pang ginagawa, kapag sayo talaga, sayo talaga.


Hindi ko kelangang mabahala.


Pinilit ko na rin matulog noon dahil malalim na ang gabi. Ang totoo, umaga na. Hay! Umaga na naman, sisikat na naman ang araw. Shit!

clutter everywhere

My bed. I really love these sheets. Kinda summer thingy. And ofcourse my teddy... I love this particular teddy, his always with me during bedtime. hugsss......

This is suppose to be my working table. So, as you can see, how can I suppose to work my things beyond this mess. hehehe...

This is my younger brother contibuting more clutter inside my room. See? An enough evidence that he's the one messing in my own space. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

This is what you called the War of Wires. Tangles are everywhere in this computer table. How can I manage to use the mouse and where the hell is the mouse pad? Gee... good thing I had a laptop. LOL!!!

family matters

After a day of staying in Manila, finally I am back again in our home in Laguna. Whew! The weather here isnt that fine. It's been raining all day. This afternoon, mom and I went to church to attend the mass. One of the usual thing that we do when I used to be a government employee in our place. I really prefer to hear the mass in the afternoon during weekdays. The less crowd, the more solemn it is for me to utter my petition. We bought flowers for my grandma. I always offer flowers for her, as requested. Hehehe,.. I still remember how she ask for some flowers to me in my dreams. I miss my grandma a lot, and I know mom is missing her too very much.

Rightnow, my family is facing a serious problem. I know that for a fact, eventhough mom didn't say anything about it. She's been having a sleepless night for the past few weeks. I guess its about time to do part. I told her my plans, although she's afraid about me, about the things that I'm gonna do. She cannot argue anymore because I think its the solution.

My sister can no longer provide for us this time. She's already having a hard time their in another country. Mom wants to go back to work, that only means, she will leave us again. Her work is also based abroad. But I insisted. I told her that I'm the one that should go. She should just look after my younger brother who is still in highschool. I have to do this this time. I have to do part. Honestly, I am her eldest daughter.

Here's the story, that sister of mine that I have known for 24 years is just my cousin. Her real mother is my mom's older sibling. She's a result of an early marriage. By that time, my mom is still going to college but already earning from her work. She took the responsibility of taking care of that kid which happens to be my sister now. When my dad marry my mom, he also accepted my sister and treated her as his own. So, by the time I came to the earth, I already had a sister. Unfortunately, my younger brother is the only person in the entire family who didn't know this. But who else cares? We're still related by blood, and she is still my sister. I was very fortunate to have her. Imagine, she took the all responsiblity and play the role that I should be portraying.

That's why I think is about time to do my part. I hope my plans will work out. I hope I am heading in the right direction. I'm just about to begin my journey. I'm just about to take few steps. Am I ready? I think so...

misinterpretations...

Hindi dahil kinaibigan ka, liligawan ka na.

Not every guy who befriends you has an ulterior motive. Get over yourself. Don't flatter yourself. There is a reason why he befriended you, but don'tautomatically assume that it's because he wants to beyour so-called boyfriend. If this will be the principle you'll follow every time someone asks you to be hisfriend, you're gonna miss a great deal from the friendship.

Hindi dahil mabait sa iyo, nililigawan ka na.

There are people who are naturally sweet and kind. There are people who are innately good and no matterhow wicked you seem, they just find it so easy to be kind to you. It doesn't mean he is courting you. Don't put yourself through unnecessary stress trying to figure out if he's courting you or not. Because I think if he is, you won't have to guess, you'll know and you'll be very certain about it.

Hindi dahil he talks to you a lot, he loves you na.

You don't befriend a person if you absolutely abhor him, right? Chances are you make sense when he talks to you, or you're probably very patient listening to him. The two of you probably connect on some level but why does it always have to be assumed to be romantic? Being two intelligent, mature human beings, you need to accept that it's nice to share a cup of coffee over a stimulating conversation, and that you don't have to automatically put romanticconnotation to it. Relieve yourself of the pressure. It'sjust coffee and a shared interest.

Hindi dahil you hang out with each other most ofthe time, you'd end up being boyfriend-girlfriend.

Self-explanatory... There are a thousand, no million different reasons why things don't always turn out that way. There is no one proven formula. For all we know, the reason why he likes hanging out with you is because he likes getting kikay tips from you.He probably plans on being kikay himself and he needs a mentor.A dinner with a guy friend does not necessarilymean equate to a date. Especially if you're paying for your share no. Hello? Three things to consider: the place, the topic and how the two of you actually planned to meet. First, how it was planned. If it were a date expect that he would ask you out at least three days before the actual date to give you some lead time, to give you the notion that you are not just a filler on his schedule. Second, the place. If it were a real date, the both of you would want real food and a place where you could really talk things through. Don't go out with a guy to a movie on Friday night if you're really serious about him. Going to a movie is more like treating him like a "filler" just because you had nothing to do on a Friday night so you might as well go out. Topic. Ha! You wouldn't be talking about chikang artista, chikang opisina or argue if the one girl's boobs are real or not. You would be probably talking about sensible, quite personal stuff.I therefore conclude that platonic relationships are never complicated; people just have tendencies to complicate them.

Sigh....

After all the things that happened to me in the previous weeks. Rightnow, I'm kinda having this little confusion through my head. I'm beginning to be bothered about the recent situation I'm getting into lately. Why? It's because I think things will start to be complicated sooner or later and I think if things will continue this way I'm going to messed up again.

Sigh.....

There are several questions that's hanging beyond my mind. First, what is my priority in life? What are the things that will satisfy me? As of now, believe me, I still can't answer these fucking questions. Maybe because I really don't know what I want. I don't know what will make me happy. Gee! I know I am not getting any younger anymore and I have to set goal as early as possible. Actually, I have a lot of dreams, there's so many things that I wanted to do. But the thing is, I really don't where to start. I am such a loser I guess.

Sigh.....

Second thing that bothers me is facing the fact that somehow I need someone who I can spend my life with. This thing really sucks! Awww! All I really wanted is to have a serious relationship this time. Something that is stable and the one that I know will lead to a lifetime commitment. Unfortunately, after several years of striving with my previous one, I found having a relationship a very stressful thingy. However, right now, as in right in this moment, my mind and heart is arguing about this matter. Am I ready to be commited again? Am I ready to face such circumstances again of having a relationship? Am I gonna give my trust again? I am really very much afraid of entering a relationship because I am scared of being in that situation again wherein you're into so much pain. Hmmm, but what shall I do? I think I'm starting to fall again?

Sigh...

Yikes! I think I liked him but I can't really express it so well. I'm into denial at this moment. I've been hiding my feelings, I 've been hiding my thoughts. Crap! And what if he's the one? What if he gets tired? What if he thinks that he doesn't matter at all? What ifs? What ifs? And a lot of what ifs? I'm starting to worry too much again on things. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.... I'm starting to hate myself.

Sigh.....

Now what? Huh,,,everything's empty at the moment. Maybe I need to take a break.



Sigh....